When I googled ‘job hunting’ the search results that came up were all about reformatting your resume, networking and meeting people for coffee. That made me think. Does ANYONE actually enjoy job hunting?
The answer dear reader is no. Nobody enjoys looking for work.
So, today I am doing the OPPOSITE of every other career coach out there. I’m not going to tell you to make a plan and focus more. I am going to tell you that this sucks.
Here we go!
1. Where do you see yourself in five years?
I see myself NOT having to answer this question, Jeff. EVER AGAIN. To all the HR people who read this blog, can we just remove this question from the deck? Pick something else.
2. Cover Letters are stupid.
Save me the heartfelt pleas that cover letters are a good way for applicants to demonstrate their writing skills. No one enjoys writing them. There are 100 other ways to get information from a potential candidate. We can move on now?
3. Ghosting applicants.
So, let me get this straight. After asking me to do three interviews, two contemporary dance routines and give you my closest six friends as references, you don’t even have the decency to tell me that I didn’t get the role?
I feel like there should be a special place in hell for hiring managers who don’t take the time to email candidates when they don’t get the job.
4. Thank you for submitting your resume.
NOW TYPE OUT THE WHOLE THING AGAIN IN OUR APPLICANT TRACKING SYSTEM.
5. Group interviews and coffee dates.
I kid you not there was one time when after a THIRD interview the hiring manager informed me that the final step would be me and the other top candidate to….wait for it….join the HR team for a group coffee.
HARD PASS. I actually laughed when I read the email.
6. It wasn’t a REAL job posting.
What many people don’t know is that often times recruitment firms will put out “prime” job postings to build their talent pool. Yep, that is right. That remote job that pays $100K. Not real. They want you to apply so that you upload your resume into their database so when a client asks about their “talent base” the numbers look impressive.
7. But you didn’t even LOOK AT IT?
You did your keyword research, you typed it in, uploaded the resume, double checked everything. Then you hit ‘submit’ and 4.2 seconds later REJECTED. Did you not use the word stakeholder enough? Did you not give them the right metrics? Does anything even matter anymore?
8. If one more person tells me to network…
You know what I REALLY love doing when I am looking for work? Meeting with random strangers and smiling. Showing them how great I would be because my husband’s friend’s sister said so. (Though shameless plug – the Moms at Work Collective makes networking not seem like networking. It is awesome!)
9. Are you interviewing for other jobs?
I love that question. They are looking at my resume. I am unemployed. What is the right answer here? NOOOO – of course not! I was just WAITING for you to come into my life.
Should I answer honestly? I actually scattered resumes from the top of a large building and could care less what company will help me pay my rent. Do I get points for that?
10. Please tell us your desired salary.
My desired salary is $16 million, Steve. SIXTEEN MILLION. But in all seriousness. This is how to answer that question.